Cold-hearted Wind

 

A bold, cold-hearted wind

Slipped discreetly into town;

He was out to look for victims,

And he fast came swooping down,

But he ran into a snowdrift,

So curvaceous and fair,

That he caught her in his icy grip

And threw her in the air.

And ’round and ’round they whirled

In the closest kind of dance;

He had swept her off her feet

With his whirl-wind romance.

She hoped he’d never let her go,

She really thought he’d stay–

‘Til he dumped her on a rooftop,

Blew her off, and flew away.

 

roofsnow2

–Getty Images

They Say

talkers final

Now they say that

There’s no rhyme for silver,

And they say that

There’s no rhyme for orange,

But I’ve petted

A bleating young chilver,

And in high school

I studied a sporange.

So they say that

What is often isn’t,

And they say that

What isn’t often is,

So I guess that

What isn’t isn’t isn’t,

And what is isn’t

Is isn’t is.

much to learn

CERN-bubble-chamber-size-adjusted-640x353

we left the trees

with so much to learn

a stick can be sharpened

and branches will burn

cows can be milked

their juices will churn

the Nile will flood

with the Dog Star’s return

and even today

there’s so much to learn

that we’re looking into

the matter at CERN

Scam

scam

I met a man

Who had a plan

To make me

Very rich,

And I was low

On cash and so

I listened to

His pitch:

For a fee,

He shared

With me

The secret scam

He knew,

And if you send

Ten dollars,

Friend,

I’ll share it

With you too.

 

 

 

trying to tan

guy with burn

I went out in the sun

I was white as wonder bread

still I stripped down to my shorts

and I bared my balding head

I looked just like a Q-tip

as I laid out on the spread

and I guess I fell asleep

for I woke up flaming red

I thought I’d get a tan

but I’m lobsterized instead

and now I’m truly worried

as to what will lie ahead

for the thought of even moving

now fills me with dread

I’ll prop myself up

for the night on my bed

I’m sure I’ll get big blisters

until my skin is shed

and probably by morning

I’ll wish that I was dead

I guess I didn’t listen

to what my mother said

don’t lay out in the sun

when you’re white as wonder bread

 

Jack Pine

right pole

His name was Jack Pine

And he died for our sins,

Still he stands there in line

With his wires and pins;

While other trees ’round

Freely reach for the sky,

He is lashed to the ground

Without roots and bone-dry.

 

There once came a day

When his wires went dead,

For man found a way

To use cell phones instead;

Still he stands there in line

As the new age begins–

His name was Jack Pine

And he died for our sins.

Thanks, Zeno

Zeno

I’ll not see the pearly gates

Nor blaze of the infernal,

For thanks to Zeno’s paradox,

My life must be eternal:

The time I’ve left divides in half

In fractions, o’er and o’er,

So mathematically, at least,

I’ll live forevermore!

 

The time I’ve left divides in half

In fractions, o’er and o’er,

So mathematically, at least,

I’ll live forevermore!

 

So mathematically, at least,

I’ll live forevermore!

 

I’ll live forevermore!

Beards

woodburning

When people ask,

‘What’s with the beard?’

I tell them that

I think it’s weird

To disapprove

Of God’s own plan

Of making whiskers

On a man.

 

God’s given them

a cause for scorn

and so they ‘fix’

it every morn.

Me, I think

I’ll let it grow–

But carmel apples

have to go.