Quote on Growing Old

I took a long drive in the country yesterday to think about things. You see, I’ve always been a hearty guy, but lately I’ve been a little unnerved by the steady deterioration of my faculties and general health. Am I that same guy?

Deep in thought about it, I turned a corner, and there it was–an old barn in the middle of nowhere. I felt an immediate affinity with it, in that it was old and somewhat broken down like me. It was then that I realized that the kind of beauty it has can only be found in the old and rustic. Maybe I could live with the new old me. There’s an old anonymous quote that seems fitting here:


You find yourself

In the middle of nowhere;


In the middle of nowhere

You find yourself.”

–Photo by me


she sits at her table

in soft candlelight,

peers into her crystal

and scries,

her chalice and athame

gleam in the night–

she is young

but incredibly wise.

she casts not a spell

as to harm anyone,

but petitions that

justice be done:

to hurt someone else

is to hurt herself–

she understands

we are as one.

3 Months Sober

I know 3 months is a relatively short time, but for me, it’s probably the longest stretch of sobriety I’ve had since I was in basic training for the Air Force. I’m feeling great, and all this shoveling I’ve been doing is whipping me back into shape. The horror of withdrawal is still fresh in my mind, but lest I forget, here’s an excerpt from my poem Withdrawal:

What was I thinking

I went back to drinking

And now I lay stinking

At home in my bed,

Tossing and turning

My stomach is churning

My fever is burning

I wish I was dead…

No, I don’t miss that at all.

I never believed in AA because the first step of their method is to admit that one is powerless over alcohol, and I just couldn’t believe that. I thought the only one who could help me was me. I was wrong, obviously; I couldn’t help me.

After I almost died from drinking in November of last year, I finally gave in, and on my son’s advice, I pulled stakes on my life and moved in with him. Thank you, Aaron, you saved your pa’s life!